Sunday, June 28, 2015

Facebook Glee: A Guide

Someone should write up the seven stages of political celebrations on Facebook.

1. Initial joy. Some will be too evolved in their understanding to participate. Memes will proliferate.

2. Profile pic alteration. There will be temporary confusion/debate over whether one may claim membership in the celebration, but before the day has passed, you will scroll through your friends list and see a steady stream of rainbows/colors/ribbons/etc. You will feel mild resentment toward those who are not sufficiently invested in the thing to be a rainbow.

3. Gloating. Your opponents are stupid and you must tell them so. Some of us linger in this step. (I live in this step full time.) Although you have jettisoned most bigots from your friends list, it is a true joy when one shows up to be laughed at.

4. Pontification. Remind everyone who dares to be happy that there's more work to be done on whatever the heck it is. Take care to target those who are especially joyful. Watch as their joy dampens.

5. The rise of the pedagogue. Beware: There will be a hundred false experts for every person who, like you, actually read a few pages from a book on the subject that one time. An overstatement of one's research efforts and an appeal to "experts" or an unnamed "they" can be helpful in this stage.

6. The moment fades. People stop posting memes. A few committed people will continue to post memes, and will never stop posting memes, and will even go so far as to pronounce the word "mems." But be nice to these people. They occasionally come up with relevant kittens. You need those kittens.

7. Mild embarrassment for those who have failed to change back their profile pic in a timely fashion. You've seen it in good times and bad, with twin towers/"No H8"/equal signs/rainbows/etc. "Never forget," they tell you, and then they make it so you can't.